Sorry to burst everyone's TV bubble but Glee might well win my award for the worst TV show since 90210 returned to the small screen. I hated it. But the annoying thing is, I was so excited about it. I wanted to love it. I needed a trashy, camp teen drama to fill the One Tree Hill shaped hole in my Monday. And I love me a show tune. And an underdog for that matter. But instead, it was like watching some bratty little kids in a school play. As someone who did Performing Arts at college, I now sympathise with dragging my parents to see show after dire show.

If you've managed to miss Glee fever (don't tell me you were out having fun? On a Monday?), here's what you're missing plot-wise. A boring, vaguely pretty boy Spanish teacher needs a creative outlet, so takes on the "Glee Club". A Glee Club is basically an all singing all dancing club in a school. A bit like cheerleaders, but less interesting. And noisier. Somewhat pretty girl joins Glee Club, can sing a bit, but is too annoying for anyone to notice, and then Spanish teacher blackmails jock boy into joining as well.

Unfortunately, he picks the most unnatractive jock boy he can find. If you were expecting any dirty fantasties about boys in school like when you watch Gossip Girl, you're sadly out of luck. I can't even remember the guys name he was that insipid. Still, expect a dull "will they/won't they?" storyline for the next 20 million episodes. Oh, and just for good measure, snooze inducing Spanish teacher has a crazy wife and a crazy stalker. You know, to make the show 'quirky'. Throw in some racial stereotypes for good measure, and there you have Glee.

So the story is a little thin. But everyone knows that the story isn't the most important part. All we really care about is the singing and dancing, right? Well, that's not very good either. Unless you count the lady lead screeching at the top of her voice? No? Well she does screech. An awful lot. What about the group (and teacher! Look! He's just one of the kids!) mime rapping to Kanye West. I had to mute it was that bad. Sure, they bashed out a decent Journey cover. Once. And it's a decent song so I'm not going to give them much credit for that.

Apparently I'm missing the irony with this show, but that doesn't make it any good. The simulated sex moves when they're bashing out Push It looked like the dancing you'd do in front of your mirror after a bottle of wine. The grand speech about sex that Rachel gives is trite. "Girls want sex just as much as boys!" she shouts, as if she's the first person to ever think this. Unfortunately, she's got years of teen dramas to compete with, and they've been (quite literally) at it since the 90s. The show has only had two episodes and already it feels dated.

I don't know who this show is aimed at anymore. I love show tunes, and US teen dramas, but I hated it. But I know guys who loved it. Everyone keeps telling me to "give it another try" because "it gets better". It won't get any better, they'll just brainwash you with their singing. It's not camp, it's not funny, the singing and dancing is awful. I won't waste any more time on it. But I might dance about and air guitar to Journey. See? No good can come from watching this show.