Considering the world's teetering on the edge of some truly apocalyptic current affairs, we needed the Brit Awards last night, to bring us all together in union over how shoddy the British music industry is.

And who better to host the 2012 end times edition of the ceremony than Mr. James Corden - the living embodiment of the end of the world? He had something of a shaky night, especially when Adele's speech upon receiving Best British Album was cut ridiculously short, leaving her with three or four words to sum up her emotions before she 'flipped the bird' as our American cousins might say out of fury. Later on, at the Brits Backstage on ITV2, Corden said he was devastated to have ruined Adele's night like that. Which was weird, considering that right at the opening he referred to her as a successful 'tranny' in one of many badly judged and quintessentially Cordenesque 'gags'.

Before that, what better way to open the show than with commercial rock music's dying breath, Coldplay - currently in their neon phase a few years later than everybody else and burdened with that boy Martin setting off fireworks again?

In terms of live performances, none of them really bowled you over. It was nice to see Blur back together at the end, frantically playing the hits, even if you do worry too much about Damon's back these days to actually admire their energy. Albarn's acceptance speech was a rambling and confused affair, and it was probably this that held everything up and made Adele's cheerio such a brief one. Earlier, Ed Sheeran did the thing that he does that everybody seems to inexplicably like. Florence came out onstage and shouted, surrounded by ballet dancers and that lad Olly Murs was allowed to play with the big boys, performing his paper thin material to a largely disinterested audience. And then there was Noel Gallagher, proudly representing Dadrock with a tune you might have enjoyed in 1995, watching TFI  Friday in the ancient past.

Really, what you want from The Brits is some spontaneity and the sense that anything can happen in the chaos of the evening. But sadly things have been tightened up to such an extreme extent these days that the closest we got to that was someone walking in front of the camera whilst Corden was doing a link, and the aforementioned cutting off of Adele.

Aside from that, this was all well-rehearsed, professionally polished and almost entirely lacking in atmosphere. That's possibly because the Brits long ago revealed itself to be little more than a marketing push for the record industry's selected few - and if you need proof of that, take a look at who won Best British Single.

Bands and singers don't win Brits. Marketing departments do.

Winners in italics!:

British Male Solo Artist
Ed Sheeran
James Blake
James Morrison
Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds
Professor Green

British Female Solo Artist
Adele
Florence + the Machine
Jessie J
Kate Bush
Laura Marling

British Breakthrough Act
Ed Sheeran
Anna Calvi
Emeli Sandé
Jessie J
The Vaccines

British Group
Coldplay
Arctic Monkeys
Chase & Status
Elbow
Kasabian

British Single
One Direction: 'What Makes You Beautiful'
Adele: 'Someone Like You'
Ed Sheeran: 'The A Team'
Example: 'Changed The Way You Kiss Me'
Jessie J feat B.o.B: 'Price Tag'
JLS feat Dev: 'She Makes Me Wanna'
Military Wives and Gareth Malone: 'Wherever You Are'
Olly Murs feat Rizzle Kicks: 'Heart Skips A Beat'
Pixie Lott: 'All About Tonight'
The Wanted: 'Glad You Came'

British Album Of The Year
Adele: 21
Coldplay: Mylo Xyloto
Ed Sheeran: +
Florence + the Machine: Ceremonials
PJ Harvey: Let England Shake

International Male Solo Artist
Bruno Mars
Aloe Blacc
Bon Iver
David Guetta
Ryan Adams

International Female Solo Artist
Rihanna
Beyoncé
Bjork
Feist
Lady GaGa

International Group
Foo Fighters
Fleet Foxes
Jay Z and Kanye West
Lady Antebellum
Maroon 5

International Breakthrough Act
Lana Del Rey
Aloe Blacc
Bon Iver
Foster The People
Nicki Minaj

British Producer
Ethan Johns
Paul Epworth
Flood

Critics' Choice
Emeli Sandé

Outstanding Contribution To Music Award
Blur